This Beer Carrying Tray At The World Cup Will Change Live Sporting Events Forever

Every now and then someone invents something that is so simple, yet genius, and we’re stuck wondering, “How the hell did I not think of that?” It could be something like the remote control or a goddamn towel, but we’ve all been there at some point. Well, that’s this drinking carrying tray. It’s made of fucking cardboard, yet it’s going to change live sporting events from now on. There’s nothing more annoying than getting a few beers at a game and having to juggle carrying them along with some food, and then having to present your ticket to the security guy in your row. I resent security people that make me put all my shit down just so I can pull out my ticket for that section. Listen pal, you’ve seen me four times this game make the same trip, trust me I’m sitting in row 15. It’s also impossible to order more than three or four beers at any given time because you can’t physically carry that many unless you’re one of those asshole waiters who tries to show off all the time. Well, now you can carry EIGHT at a time. The 2018 World Cup in Russia has revolutionized Planet Earth.

Now there is a downside to all of this. It’s going to cause stadiums to simply run out of beer. Clem blogged earlier that Moscow is already running low on beer, even though we’re still in the group stage play of the tournament. I feel like if you’re going to be hosting the World Cup, you have to make sure you have enough beer before you even make sure the stadiums are safe to play in. It’s soccer, drinking is practically synonymous with the sport. There is no soccer unless everyone in the stands is blackout drunk. Be better Russia, no one wants your vodka, the people want beer.

For my dream invention that I’ve been wanting to make, but I’m too lazy to go through with: preset sink temperatures. There are countless times in the morning where I’m brushing my teeth with cold water. I go to wash my hands afterwards and switch the handles to hot, and then I burn my hand EVERY SINGLE TIME. If only there were preset options on my sink to immediately change the temperature to what I want. I give any of you the permission to make this become reality, just give me like $20,000 when you become rich.